No. Stop. Don’t. These words are non-negotiable in my household. They also work both ways. If my son is being tickled and he tells me to stop, I stop. if he is doing something that I want him to stop doing and I tell him no, he is to stop the action immediately. Do I run a strict household? Not necessarily. My son doesn’t have to address me with yes ma’am, he doesn’t have a rigid schedule, he is never spanked or talked down too, and we make a point to always have free conversation in our household. I would say my type of parenting style leans closest to the Authoritative parent—I see my children as little humans who will grow up to be adults. It is important to me, even at their young ages, to draw a clear line in the sand when it comes to the word no. This simple two letter word holds a power that unsaid can change someone’s life forever, so it is important to practice using it effectively as soon as your children can understand it.

No means no, not maybe. Stop means stop right now. This is the mantra that we go by. Why the emphasis? Teaching children boundaries is crucial, this is how they learn what’s okay and what’s not okay. If they are put in an unfortunate situation where they are uncomfortable, by teaching them they have the power to say no and stop grants them control of the situation. They are empowered to make decisions for themselves and have a stronger understanding of who they are. They set the boundaries for themselves that act as an invisible forcefield between them and people who may try to encroach on their personal space. By hearing no, they can respond the same way they would want someone to respond to them if they said it. It will be much harder for you as a parent and them as a child if you wait to lock this is when they are teens. At that time, they are dealing with peer pressure and not understanding the power of no could potentially harm themselves or others. As a mother of two boys, I am teaching them No not only to help them gain the confidence to speak up for themselves but I am also trying to ensure that if someone tells them no, they hear them too. 

If you have to repeatedly tell your child no and you do not stick to the one and done rule, you are taking the power of the word away. The message that you’re sending to your child is that if you as the parent say no, you don’t mean it and you are also saying that if they say no to someone else, it’s okay for the other person to keep at it. This is very dangerous. You could be putting your child in a situation where they feel helpless because they didn’t feel comfortable setting clear boundaries. 

Life is about balance. I know it may be tough to say No to our kids especially because we don’t want them to be upset and partially because we don’t like to hear the word ourselves. However, if you say yes to your children as often as you say no, there is no negative connotations when they hear it. When I say no, I explain why I said it. I clarify so that he has a complete understanding and it opens up dialogue between us. This also helps him because he is able to articulate his feelings about something in a productive way. I make sure not to cut him off and give him the floor just like I expect from him. 

We are raising young adults who will run this world one day. We want them to be fully functioning, self respecting, law abiding citizens and that all starts from home. The power of the word No can create a sense of security for your child that otherwise could be intruded on if you do not give your child the right to voice their own opinion or allow them to be their own person. Children are not our property and they deserve to grow and learn in a conducive environment for growth and understanding. 

Written by Micheala