Those hot, steamy, and spontaneous nights that helped you create your new bundle of joy may be a thing of the past. A hot shower, a meal you don’t have to prepare yourself, and a good night’s sleep may sound more appealing than chasing that big O. But don’t worry ladies, although you have a little human that you devote almost all of your time to, there’s ways to keep that flame lit with your partner.

Planning: When you think about doing the do, putting it on the calendar may take away the excitement. It makes me think of the 2005 movie “Fun With Dick and Jane” where the wife and husband are in bed kissing, and then they agree that they’re going to do it on Saturday. Although added for comic relief, it is all too familiar now that I am a mom of 2. Something my husband and I do ,is say to each other for example, is let’s get together Friday night (its Tuesday). But during those next couple days, we keep our intimacy going by having long caressing hugs, making out, dirty talk and of course anything that would get you kicked out of the movie theater (time conscious activities). This helps build up the anticipation and takes away the pressure of trying to have sexy time in a transactional way. Also, if you have trustworthy child care, you can drop the kids off the day you and your partner decide. This gives you an opportunity to unleash all of that pent up energy for as long as you need without being interrupted.  

New body, who dis? : sure you have had a little baby glued to your chest, cheerios in your hair, just stopped wearing postpartum pads, a fluffy belly, and you can’t remember if you washed both your armpits. Self care is just as important as caring for your family. Momma, they need you and it’s up to you to take care of yourself. To double back on the planning, pencil in a “Me” day or time where you take that luxurious shower, play with your hair, do your makeup, get your nails done, smoke a blunt, go out with the girls etc. Take the time to fall in love with yourself. That body birthed a human, give yourself praise. Ultimately, if you love and take yourself, everything will feel so much better. Confidence is very sexy so don’t be afraid to climb on top, flapjack titties and all. He doesn’t care and if he does, he doesn’t deserve that kitty. Simple.

Birth Control: coming from someone with secondary infertility, the thought of birth control sounds pointless. However, hormones are crazy and somewhat unpredictable. Unprotected sex can still lead to pregnancy, so if you’re looking to grow your family this section is not for you. If you are looking to hold off from creating a life, make sure you speak with your doctor about birth control options that are right for you. Once again, by planning, you can plan your love making to correlate with ovulation or to avoid it. 

Not in the mood? You’re not alone. Like I said above, hormones are crazy. On average, it takes around 6-12 months for your hormones to regulate after pregnancy. This can really put you in a funk and that’s why it’s important to have those self care days, take those long hugs from your partner, and stay in communication with your friends and family. It’s very easy to fall into Mommyland and negate your mental health. Don’t be afraid to speak with your doctor if you don’t feel like yourself, they’re there to help you navigate the medical aspect of your new adventure—mental, physical, and emotional. 

So, is the horizontal tango after baby possible? Absolutely! Can you still back that thang up? You better ! Girl, we are only here once, so don’t be afraid to buss it wide open now that you are officially in the Milf category. Whoopie after baby is even more fun because you feel like if I can tackle this, I’m a bad ass and my partner is lucky to have me! Sex releases tension and this can be a stressful time, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Life is unpredictable, but a little planning can help you grab it by the balls— i mean horns. 

Written by Micheala